For the future, I would love for our grandmother's life to be pain free, full of energy & easy. Unfortunately, as she becomes more feeble and less independent, this hope is diminishing. She has fallen twice in the last 30 days. One fall resulted in hospitalization. She has now declared that she no longer wants to go back to the hospital ever again. I guess we'll cross that bridge when it gets here.
This would be grandmother if life was perfect :)
The next pictures are closer to reality...no running in grandmother's future!
The key differences are independence verses being dependent on me for daily help. Also, the beginning stages of being restricted to her home unless someone else is with her. This is probably the most frustrating aspect for grandmother.
Being restricted to her home is such a stark change for grandmother. She is used to driving, getting up & going whenever she wants to & not asking "permission" to do things. She hates this part of her life. This is why I try to always be available or always schedule outings with her. It gives her something to look forward to & helps her to not feel lonely.
She gets bored easily now too. TV is very monotonous. Grandmother calls the TV the "idiot box". LOL! She is used to being a social butterfly. Change is HARD!
She won't go to a nursing home or assisted living facility, so she lives in a independent living community for 55 & older people. She checks the mailbox, talks to the managers & has even made friends with the maintenance man. I'm sure those angels have a large amount of patience! For now, she is fine. Hoping we won't have to move her to the assisted living home. We would probably move her into our spare bedroom before considering that option,
Since her last fall, her insurance company made arrangements for a physical therapist and a nurse to come to her home twice a week each. As much as I thought she'd dislike that arrangement, she loves it. I think she loves the socializing more than the treatment, but whatever it is...it is great. The physical therapist walks with her around the property & it gives her a chance to get fresh air & exercise at the same time. The nurse checks her medication & her vitals. Again, the social aspect is of great value right now. She is enjoying the company. Because the insurance company is providing this service "free", I have not researched any additional services at this time. Between the physical therapist, nurse & myself, she is well taken care of at the moment.
We ahve noticed grandmother's memory slipping quite a bit. This makes us uncomfortable with medications, etc, so if this continues to go downhill, we will have to reconsider other options.
If more care is needed in thr future, my top criteria would be
safety: is the facility well known for their excellent care? Long history of service in our community.
24\7 access: If I want to drop in unexpected, is that ok? THis would tell me that they aren't hiding anything.
Located close to our home: If there's an emergency, We can get there quickly.
Cleanliness: I am VERY particular about care facilities. I can tell immediately upon entering if it is being kept clean. No excuses...very important!
Those are my top 4 criteria for facilities outside of her own home or our home.
The difference between my answers & grandmother's answers are obvious. She says she will NEVER go to an assisted living facility. This is sort of a sore subject around here. Knowing that one day, I may not be able to provide all that she needs by myself, it is difficult.
I've often thought that if she loses her memory & begins to suffer with dementia, it might make her transition easier. Horrible thought, I know, but if her mind was not as sharp, the move would be much simpler. Then, she would be in a 24\7 facility where someone would always be watching for her to fall or if she's getting ill. At least we wouldn't have to jump quite as high when the phone rings. With her most recent falling habit, we never know what the phone call is going to reveal. Scary!
Thanks Gina!
ReplyDeleteCan you tell me how long she's lived in the independent living facility?
What does staying at home do for a person mentally, physically, emotionally and even spiritually?
Can you please upload 2 pictures showing (1)how an older person living at home feels and (2)how an older person not able to live at home feels.
Who has been involved in any research/decisions and to what extent?
When did you begin conversations with your mom about care? How did the conversations go? Looking back is there anything you'd do differently?
Please upload a picture depicting how you feel about where you are right now in this journey.
Can you blog a bit about how you think your mom would answer questions 1, 2 and 4?
Thanks.
She has lived in her facility for almost 7 years. She lived in another 55+ community prior to this one but it was about 15 miles away. Her current home is less than 2 miles from our home. Much closer & much nicer.
ReplyDeleteStaying home gives her a sense of "home", privacy & comfort. She can do what she wants without asking permission or asking for help.
My husband & I have been the most involved in research...really, just me. The information I get, I share with him. He works many more hours than I do. Most of the assisted facilities in our area are nice, but like I said earlier, it would take an army to get her to move to assisted living. Having home health persons come to her, right now, it our best option. We have visited 2 facilities that offer both independent & assisted living but the apartments within these facilities do not have kitchens. She loves to cook & this is a major obstacle.
Conversations about moving to assisted living are a sensitive subject. She is definitely not willing to even consider that at this time. I have a feeling that the only thing that would make her move would be a debilitating injury or if her mind slips & she cannot take care of herself at all.
I can tell you that her response to these questions would be the same, but in a much harsher tone. I know this because of our past conversations. She becomes very defensive, mad & shuts down the conversation. Not a good place to be!